Thursday, April 28, 2011

The Story of an (Ex) Army Girlfriend: The End (?)

They say in the end, you think about the beginning.  Which seems like an appropriate thought after a breakup.  In the beginning, you were happy and oblivious to any obstacles that would face you as a couple. The beginning allows you to see past what lead to the breakup and remember how happy you were because the end means that the joy is gone and who wants to be depressed, right?

It's funny how you find yourself claiming you never saw a breakup coming even when there were signs.  The end may not have happened like you would of imagined or even liked, but deep down you knew it was coming.

I look at the span of my relationship and wonder if there were signs that I missed or just ignored.

The night of my breakup, I focused on every argument we ever had, the distance, and all the things HE did wrong in our relationship.  Whatever could help me feel nothing about the end.  For days I allowed myself to relish in those thoughts because I knew that was the only way I could walk away from this relationship unscathed.

My roommate told me that maybe the only reason my relationship lasted this long was because of the distance.  The distance allowed us to focus on missing each other and not the things that annoyed us the most about each other.  I thought maybe it was true, maybe we weren't meant to continue our relationship into his military career.

After days of spiteful actions and hateful texts, I was beginning to pack (moving this weekend) and finding more and more of his stuff.  I've always had the most delayed reactions when it comes to emotions, and this was no exception: I found myself crying.

I won't go into the boring details of what happened next, but I can say that I am in a better place about my break up.  Akeem and I talked that night and it was good.  We both know there were things wrong with our relationship, things that we really needed to work on individually before we could really think about marriage.  As much as I wanted to blame him for the events leading up to our breakup, I know that I deserved equal blame in exhausting our relationship.

I know it will amuse some of my ex boyfriends that I have, once again, become single and that all of his "groupies" are thrilled that I am out of the picture. However, I try not to let it phase me.  I love Akeem and I always will. I think that he came in my life for a reason and I plan for him to stay there. I don't want to let this post end on some cliche note of "one day" this and that, but given everything that has happened...........I think my exes and his groupies should keep their rejoicing to a minimum.

Cause maybe one day........:-)

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