When I was 14 years old, I told my very first boyfriend that I loved him. 2 months later, I called him up and asked if I could take it back. Needless to say, we didn’t end on a good note. Almost 10 years later, telling a new guy I love him makes me think about the first time I ever said that to a guy. With the exception of twice, I always wished I had never said it. Love has always been such a funny word to me, because I never really knew what it meant and when I thought I did I was left to wonder if I really loved that guy at all.
It is 12:34am in the middle of the week and as I type this, I keep glancing at my phone hoping for a text; a text that will simply tell me that someone loves me. As I type these words, my phone lights up and I see his name appear and though it is not the ideal words I would like, it is enough to make me smile after a hour long battle with him. While cliché as it sounds, as much as he makes me crazy, I would rather be crazy with him than sane with someone else. But that is love I guess: crazy.
Love is an evil emotion. Once it is involved in your life, you have no real control. The results of love in a relationship can be something out of a fairytale, or something worthy of a Law and Order episode. Love dulls the senses and leaves you with a sense of stupidity because love has the brains and control of your relationship.
Now, it is true love that leads to this moronic submission. Because when you are merely in like of someone, you are very much aware of yourself, the other person, and your relationship. But when you are in love, certain things become very unclear and others very apparent. Love allows you to see and do what it wants, not what you want.
As I look back at the clock, it is now 12:46 a.m. and I glance back at my phone. I know he is probably asleep by now but I slightly hope that he would text one more time. If I wasn’t in love, my phone would probably be sitting at the bottom of my purse, ignored until the next day. After big fall outs, opposing mothers, and much time apart, I can say I am still in love.
Thanks for reading, just having a random, emotional night and wanted to post. LOVE YA! :-)