Monday, July 4, 2011

The Story of an Army Girlfriend: The Waiting Game (Fiance Wannabe)

It has taken me almost a week to write this post.  Everytime I started it, something would happen to make me want to change my story.  After last night, I had to delete the post and start all over.  My thoughts on waiting have not changed, I still hate it.  However, I have started to look at my own situation with a new perspective. 

Last night, I got on Facebook and saw a status from a old college friend.  Her boyfriend has recently finished his basic and AIT. I've said this before NOT EVERY SOLDIER'S RELATIONSHIP IS THE SAME (but sometimes it is hard to listen to your own words when you see something that makes you feel like you are doing something wrong)! Anyways, back to the status. My friend's Facebook status mentioned wedding plans.  I was suprised to find myself slightly upset by this.  It was odd because since I graduated high school, I can't tell you how many times my minifeed has lit up with wedding announcements, but for the first time I was jealous. 

Jealousy is an embarassing thing.  It is even more embarassing when you are only 23, living in an era of the "independent woman," and you are whining about marriage. But there I was getting in the car to go see my boyfriend, venting and ranting on the phone to my best friend.  I seriously lost my mind for a moment.  Akeem and I have talked about marriage plenty of times, we were looking at rings before our short breakup.  But the thought that another army girlfriend was "officially" engaged before I was and her relationship hadn't been through half the stuff mine had been through and that they had been together a shorter period of time....well it made me crazy.

Sanity Check.......

After venting to my best friend for a couple of minutes, I started to realize that I was upset about how my relationship was playing out.  I had never been the type of girl who dreamed of a fantasy wedding or an over the top proposal, but for a moment I wanted those things and seeing another girl in a similar position being one step closer than myself made me want it more. I don't know her relationship with her fiance and it was horrible for me to compare hers to mine, but when you are waiting for someone in the military......you have your moments of insecurity.  Unfortunately, mine turned into a moment of insanity.

When I finally got to the hotel to see Akeem, I was still in a foggy state.  I told him how I felt and what I said and he kind of laughed.  But it was a good thing, cause that was nonsense.  My relationship is far from perfect, but it fits me perfectly. I may never receive a crazy romantic proposal or have an ideal wedding, but I'm okay with that.  In the last 8 years, I have placed myself in horrible relationships and put up with sorry treatment from men.  With all of my game playing days behind me, I don't mind playing this waiting game with Akeem because it feels like a game I've already won................though a nice ring would be a great prize to show for it:-) HAHA!
ALSO...........CONGRATS TO MY FRIEND CHRISTIAN ON HER ENGAGEMENT:-)

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